When I first arrived in Udaipur in February, I was one of 11 FSD interns. By March, there were 14 of us. This week, I am one of only 3 interns left in Udaipur.
My friends have been steadily trickling out of the city for the last few weeks as they are finishing their internships and moving on to other cities or countries or heading home. Since FSD has so many different start dates throughout the year, and each person decides how long to stay, there is a steady tide of people coming and going.
It has been interesting to form friendships with the people who come through FSD. There is also a nice group of young foreigners in their 20s working for various NGOs or universities in Udaipur who I have gotten to know. They come from all over the world – U.S., Canada, Australia, U.K., Costa Rica, Hong Kong, Colombia, Sweden, Norway. Some are taking a semester abroad during college. Several others left fancy, high-paying jobs in the corporate world to try something different. And almost everyone I have met is, much like myself, trying to just figure something out.
We have all found that India challenges us in a way that pushes us to our limits – both physically and emotionally. And because life is so extremely different here than it is in the United States, or wherever we came from, whenever we meet up for dinner or breakfast or a beer, all the thoughts and emotions of the past few days just pour out. Also, with such a slow pace of life, there is plenty of time to have these never-ending conversations about career paths and lifestyles and happiness. Sometimes we meet for lunch and lie around on comfy couch-seats for the hottest hours of the day until its time to order the next meal.
For most of the foreigners I know here, living in India is a temporary ordeal. Most of us have a general idea of when we are leaving the country, or at least plan to at some point, and thus we all have to think a lot about what exactly we are going to leave to do. Or even, in my case, where I am going when I leave. So for me, it has been nice to be able to talk to people who are also as confused as I am and can help give me ideas or just listen while I think through my life and what I want for myself in the future.
Now that there are so few interns in Udaipur, I think my life will undergo a major shift this summer. Though more are coming, they are all short-term interns, and I anticipate being very busy with my work and with travel plans in the next few months. I will probably spend more time at home with my Auntie, maybe volunteer some with another NGO in Udaipur during my free time, and feel simultaneously more at home here and more lonely.
Granted, I have always felt somewhat lonely in India – it seems to be a common feeling for many people here. The days are emotional roller coasters. Every so often I have mental break-downs when I freak out about my future, frantically trying to decide what country I should move to when I leave India, or what kind of job I want to look for, or what subject area I should focus my career on, or what subject I should study in grad school. At home, I am often so busy that I have no time just to feel or to think. Career paths seem so much more logical and pre-planned that it is easy just to follow along down the path ahead and assume it is the best option. Still, I think this is all very healthy for me, and I am glad India has forced me to really examine my life in this way. So many people I have met in India have had life-changing realizations, finally figuring out what they really want. I think I am experiencing something similar.
These last few weeks have been full of exhausting goodbyes, which are especially difficult since I am not sure if I will see some of my friends again. In a week, ten new interns will come to Udaipur, and it will be hellos and goodbyes all over again. It makes me look forward to a time in the future when I won’t have to lose my entire base of friends and can have more time to develop my relationships with people. But in the meantime, as they say in Almost Famous, “the people you meet on the road are really amazing people.”
1 comment:
My dear, you musn't put so much pressure on yourself. What you want will constantly evolve, so you don't have to settle on one path:) I miss you and love reading your blog! Peter and I are going to Hong Kong next month- just for four days- life's short, and we only had so much vacation time this year- so we decided to go, even though we only had a few days:) Let me know if you have any suggestions- can't misses:)
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